No one is dead until the ripples they caused in the world dies away.
If you have lost a loved one or a family member or even a best friend. Trying to move on or at least coping with the turmoil of emotions can be difficult. This post is supposed to guide you on the most effective ways that you can deal with grief.
First off, let me start informing you that you are not supposed to move on. You are not supposed to get over it or whatever it is that the society tells us to do. Losing a loved one can be devastating and whatever way that you choose to cope with your loss, should be accepted with those around. Here are tips that will help you with the grieving process.
Tip #1: Start with the Basics
Once your loved one passes away. It is obvious that you do not want to do anything. You want to be left alone in isolation, and just mourn their loss. That is completely allowed.
At the same time you need to start making efforts of doing the things that matter most to you. Consider starting with the simple basic actions such as:
- Taking a bath
- Going through meditation
- Doing yoga
- Writing the memories, you have of them
- Singing your favorite songs
- Playing a ball game or musical instrument.
Do any activity you used to enjoy before your life got completely shattered, by the demise of your loved one. Get back to doing bits and pieces of it. But whatever it is don’t let negative addiction destroy you.
If you are reading this post and have never experienced the pain of losing a loved one, allow me to give you a vivid description of it.
Picture a part of your body that you do love. This could be your hand or legs, or whatever part it is that you use on a regular basis and you cannot function without it.
Let’s take your right leg. Now, picture me, cutting this leg off. There is blood spelling all over and you are screaming on top of your lungs cause of the excruciating pain.
Moving forward, it is going to be difficult for you walk. At this point, you cannot even think about walking. you are in pain, crying and probably cursing me in whatever language that you know.
Tip #2: Do not mask the pain
Yes, it’s painful. The worst part is that there is nothing that you can do about it. Now, you have an idea of what life is when you lose someone you love to death. They are taken from you forever and there is nothing that you can do about it. All you know is that it hurts and you are helpless. That’s the kind of pain that one experiences.
Most of the time you are presented with the opportunity of either crying out loud. Being open and expressive about whatever it is that we are going through. At the same time, you can decide to mask your feelings. All in the name of being mature or grown up.
Instead, you silently crawl into your cocoon and lock the whole world outside. Due to the extreme pain that you might be going through. Sooner or later you might find yourself expressing your pain through activities such as:
- Drug addiction
- Excessive alcohol consumption
- Excessive gaming and other unproductive ways.
At this point you will be wishing that you would actually die too. Because your life has no other sense of purpose of living.
Like I said before, you are completely entitled to the way that you process grief. B ut, when you feel stuck or start drawing in depression. Do remember to make tiny efforts towards the things that you used to love doing when your loved one was still alive.If doing the things that you love requires a lot of effort from you. then how about you try doing fundamental things like: Taking a walk, and enjoying fresh air to breath
Even though your mind might be blank still trying to process the loss of your loved one. It is a good thing, because the current walk that you are taking is causing blood to flow in your body and that a good thing for you.
I lost my best friend and brother three years ago, at times I have really rough days when I remember how everything played out. The pain is still here with me and I still cry myself to sleep most of the nights when I member. People ask me how it feels these three years down the line.
The truth is that it still hurts, and the other truth is that it hurts less. It is true what they say that time heals.
It is important to understand that you are a human being with a spirit. Once your loved one dies, they don’t just die and that cease to be the existence. No, they continue to live in you. They live in the memories that you carry forward to the next generation about who they were and what made the unique.
Tip #3: Get involved with your community
The best way to heal is to find compassionate people and involve yourself in compassionate habits. This will make you feel as if you are part of a community. Most importantly it will make you feel as if you are not all alone which might be a great way to helping you heal.
When someone dear to you dies. It’s not just that time heals. No, it’s the warmth and love around you from the people whom you care about and they care about you too. You heal from sharing and being a part of them.
The joy and warmth that you get to receive from such a community will definitely aid in your heart healing much faster than expected. The love and positive will be a great plus in helping you heal.
Tip #4: Move forward in love
Love and fear are a choice that we are presented with all the time. You can choose to move forward with your life in love and represent what your loved one was all about and carry their legacy forward. The beauty about this is that you never know the kind of ripple effect that might have to the future generations.
If you look at some of the foundations that were started in the memory of the deceased have had great impact in the society. This gives your loved one a chance to impact and touch the lives of people whom they never got the chance to meet in real life.
You could also decide to move forward in fear and bitterness of always questioning why you or why did they have to die. Sooner or later sorrow and sadness will take a grip of you.
Then you will find yourself spending most of your time, crying, venting and whining. Always in fear. Don’t get me wrong, you are allowed to go through the motions. Just do not over dwell in them as much. Because then you are placing your life at a standstill.
Tip #5: Accept the way of life
Death is part and parcel of life. The best way to heal from it is if you pour yourself into the service of those whom you care about and they care about you too.
You find it easier dealing with your emotions, because the truth of the matter is that you are not the only person who lost someone. Those around you too did. Your other siblings and kids have lost a loved one too.
You should help them deal and process their loss and in turn you will find yourself healing through the process.
If there is one thing that death has taught me is that we are all humans and this is the natural way of life. It’s like we are all in one train and when we get to some stages, people get off and then the train continues to move.
Truth is life is fragile and, in an instant, our whole entire world could change. We have to learn how to humble ourselves.